My Immortal
by Feather Head
Summary: This wound would never heal. My pain was just too real. There was just too much that time could not erase. Remus remembers a certain someone after the events of OOTP. SPOILERS. Mild R/S


My Immortal

The Hog's Head pub in Hogsmeade, Scotland held a traditional celebration every summer in the beginning of July, to honor its anniversary. It had actually opened nine months late due to a fire in the kitchen, but the memorial was just to celebrate the fact that it opened at all. They invite a band to play and everything. 

But I still wasn't in the mood to celebrate. I was in the mood to drink away the night and all my fears, problems, and miseries. And it helped, because they were giving out free drinks and I had no money. 

It's been almost a month since it happened. I didn't know it, you see, but the beginning of June would shake my life forever. June, I decided drunkenly, was not my favorite of months. First off, when I was five, I was bitten by a raging werewolf in a forest outside my home. Then, when I was eleven, my parents died at the hands of Voldemort and I only survived because it had been the full moon. Two years ago, in June, I saw my best friend in the entire world for the first time since he had been imprisoned twelve years before (thankfully _not_ in June), and he was a mess. He truly _looked_ the part of the full-grown murderer that he'd been accused of being. But I knew he wasn't then, because the real traitor who killed my other two best friends, Peter Pettigrew, had been revealed for what he really was. Why is this bad, you ask? Well, Pettigrew ended up escaping, only to bring back the Dark Lord _next_ June; and he left the blame on Sirius, who had to take off again without even saying goodbye. 

Then—last June. _Oh, God, last June._ It all began with the Dark Lord, Voldemort, as most horrible things do. Voldemort manipulated a boy called Harry Potter's mind into believing that he had his godfather and my best friend, Sirius Black, captured and was torturing. Harry, being the rash fifteen-year-old that he is, went straight to Voldemort, his intentions sent on saving Sirius. Of course, this left the Order no choice but to go after young Harry and save him. We found Harry and another boy, Neville, being surrounded by Death Eaters and jumped in to save them. Sirius ended up dueling his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. As he always does, Dumbledore showed up to save the day. 

But that wasn't enough to save Sirius. _Oh God, Sirius…_

A single year trickled down my cheek as I recalled the memory. More followed and I asked for another shot. 

Bellatrix shot a red beam at Sirius, which he dodged easily. Sirius was always so nimble; he was a great at dueling and even better at being a friend. But his fatal mistake was that he got cocky, and was not fast enough to dodge the green curse that Bellatrix shot at him. I still remember his face, half frozen in laughter and half frozen in death. As he fell backwards and behind the veil, all we could do was watch. Harry tried to run forward into the veil and stop him, but I couldn't let him. Going through that veil would only result in his death, too. 

Harry kept crying out for Sirius, and all I could do was try to tell him that Sirius was gone. Gone. Forever. 

Another wave of tears engulf me and the wizards on either side move away. _Heartless fools—don't you know that Sirius is _gone_? _Of course they wouldn't know; all these people thought that Sirius was a bloody thirsty murderer, and would do anything to turn him in. _Oh God,_ I realized horribly, _Sirius died as a murderer. Nobody got to know the truth. _

My voice is hoarse and raspy from tears, but I still choke out, "Another shot, please." 

The bartender clearly thought that I was a madman, but did as I asked. 

Up on stage, the band struck its first chords; a slow, melancholy song that made my gut wrench. Sirius had played in a band once; it had been called The Wooden Club, named after a Beater's bat. It fell apart shortly after Sirius' arrest. 

I felt Sirius's presence all around me, I couldn't get him out of my mind, even after my seventh shot. _Goddammit, Sirius, if you're going to leave, won't you just _leave_? Must you insist on haunting me like this? I keep telling myself that you're gone, but you're still with me, Sirius. _

There's just so much sometimes that time cannot erase. If Sirius had never been arrested, what would our lives've been like? If I had never been bitten by that werewolf, would I still've been friend with Sirius? 

I didn't want to go on living without Sirius. I was tired of living the way I was. I knew, the wound of Sirius's death would never heal, and I wasn't sure I could _bear_ that. 

I had always lived a bit in Sirius, his resonating light captivated me, and I couldn't help but admire and look up to him. He was such a stronger person than I. _Dear God, Sirius, why did you have to leave me here, alone? I was alone before I met you, Sirius, and now I'm alone again. _

I guess I've been alone all long. 

Sirius, I can't believe you're gone; and I never even got to tell you that I love you. I love you so much, Sirius. ** **A/N: If you didn't already pick it up, this fanfic was inspired by the lovely "My Immortal", by Evanescence. I was listening to the song, and it made me cry, because it reminded me so much of Sirius's death, which I'm still in denial about. I can't believe they would do that to Remus and Harry! And no, I've never actually been a fan of slash, even Sirius/Remus, but this inspiration seemed like an exception.** **Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except the words in which it is written.**  


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